On this page, we talk about how you can manage violence or abuse when you are at home.

There is support available if the information on this page upsets you.

You can find out more on our page about support.

On this page:

• Why people use violence or abuse
• How to help someone stop using violence or abuse
• How you can become safer

The person you care for might use violence or abuse at home.

They might use violence or abuse in a physical way.

For example, they might:

• hit
• scratch
• push.

The person you care for might use other types of violence or abuse.

For example, they might:

• yell
• swear
• threaten you.

These situations can be stressful for everyone.

But you do not have to manage the situation on your own.

Being angry and frustrated are normal emotions that everyone feels sometimes.

But violence and abuse are things that no one should use or experience.

It is important to understand:

• why it happens
• how to stop people from using violence or abuse.

Some people can find it hard to communicate.

They might use violence or abuse to try and tell you:

• what they want
• what they do not want
• how they feel.

Some people might use violence or abuse when they:

• feel frustrated
• cannot control how things are making them feel – like loud noises.

Some people might use violence or abuse to control a situation.

And if it worked for them in the past, they might keep doing it.

Some people might use violence or abuse if they feel stressed.

This includes if they have not used violence or abuse before.

It might be a good idea to check if that person is feeling stressed in their life.

Or if they are experiencing any mental health conditions.

We also have information if you think the person you care for has experienced violence or abuse.

You can find out more on our page about the person I care for is experiencing violence or abuse.

The best way to help stop someone using violence or abuse is to think about why they are doing it.

If the person you care for uses violence or abuse, you might need professional support.

Many people with disability can manage their feelings better if they get the right support.

For example, the Black Dog Institute has a tool to help people with intellectual disability manage their thoughts and feelings.

You can find out more about this tool on the Black Dog Institute website.

The person you care for might take part in the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS).

You can ask their support coordinator to find a mental health professional with the right experience.

The person you care for might be on the autism spectrum.

A mental health professional can support you to understand what can make the person you care for feel frustrated.

They can also help you learn ways to stop this from happening.

We made a list of tips you can try at home to help stop the person you care for from using violence or abuse.

You can think about what it means when the person you care for uses violence or abuse.

They might do certain things that could explain their actions.

For example, if they:

• use violence or abuse at certain times during the day
• want to communicate something to you.

This could help you learn what you might be able to change at home.

And it could help stop the person you care for from using violence or abuse.

If you think someone is using violence or abuse to control a situation, you can try to:

• stop them from linking violence and abuse to getting what they want
• not give in to what they want if they use violence or abuse.

But you should only do this when you feel safe.

You can reward the person, even if it seems like a small change.

For example, you could say ‘yes’ to what they ask for when they do not use violence or abuse.

You can teach them that violence and abuse can lead to bad things happening.

For example, using violence or abuse:

• breaks the law
• can mean they do not get something else they want later.

If you think the person you care for uses violence or abuse when they feel stressed, you can:

• try to understand what makes them feel stressed
• plan their day so there are less things to make them feel stressed.

It can be hard to stay calm when the person you care for is upset and uses violence or abuse.

But staying calm can help the person you care for to feel calm too.

You can learn activities to help:

• you understand and manage your emotions
• the person you care for understand and manage their emotions.

It is also a good idea to find help.

A support worker or mental health professional can share things you can do to keep:

• yourself safe
• other people safe.

You can also find help from people who have had experiences like yours.

You can visit the Carer Gateway website for more information.

It is hard to stop people from using violence or abuse straight away.

We made a list of tips about how to:

• manage violence or abuse when it happens
• try to be safer.

If you are in danger right now, call Triple Zero.

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We have a section on this website about how to call Triple Zero.

You can find out more on our page about a guide to call Triple Zero.

You need to think about if it is a good idea or not to contact the police.

Some people:

• have had bad experiences with the police
• think that calling the police could make the situation worse.

But sometimes you might need to contact the police to keep:

• yourself safe
• other people safe.

It is a good idea to make a plan so that you know what to do when the person you care for uses violence or abuse.

For example, think about where you can go in your home to be safe.

You can find out more on our page about how to be safe when you leave a relationship.

You can talk to someone if you need support to manage violence or abuse at home.

This person might be a:

• friend
• family member
• support worker.

When you talk to someone, you should tell them what support you need from them.

For example, you might want them to:

• listen to you
• share ideas about what to do.

Everyone has the right to live a life without violence or abuse.

This can be hard to do when the person you care for uses violence or abuse.

But there are things you can do to make yourself safer.

You might feel a lot of stress from this situation.

So it is important that you look after yourself.

We have tips that can help you care for yourself.

You can find out more on our page caring for yourself.

You can call a helpline.

Helplines are phone numbers that will connect you to people who:

• care about what you are going through
• can give you good advice.

We have a list of helplines on our website.

You can find out more on our page about helplines.