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What violence and abuse can be like in a relationship

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On this page, we talk about

Violence or abuse is when someone:

  • hurts you
  • scares you
  • controls you.

We explain what violence and abuse can be like in a

Your relationship with someone is how you are connected to them.

For example, from your:

  • partner, like a boyfriend or girlfriend
  • friends
  • family.

There is support available if the information on this page upsets you.

You can find out more on our page about support.

How to know if you are experiencing violence or abuse

It is important to understand what violence and abuse can be like in a relationship.

This will help you work out if you are experiencing violence or abuse.

Violence and abuse can include someone hurting you:

  • physically
  • sexually
  • emotionally.

It can also include someone:

  • talking to you in a bad way
  • trying to control you.

Types of violence and abuse

There are different types of violence and abuse.

You might experience violence and abuse because of your

Your gender is what you feel and understand about who you are as a person.

You might think of yourself as a man or woman or something different.

You can choose the words that are right for you.

You can find out more on our page about violence or abuse because of your gender.

You might experience

Domestic and family violence is when someone close to you hurts you, such as:

  • your partner, like your boyfriend or girlfriend
  • a member of your family
  • someone who takes care of you
  • someone you live with.

You can find out more on our page about domestic and family violence.

You might experience physical violence.

You can find out more on our page about physical violence or abuse.

You might experience

Financial violence or abuse is when someone:

  • takes your money
  • controls your money
  • makes you pay for other people’s things.

You can find out more on our page about financial violence or abuse.

You might experience

Emotional violence or abuse is when someone:

  • says things to make you feel scared or bad about yourself
  • makes you feel confused about what has happened to you
  • controls what you do.

You can find out more on our page about emotional violence or abuse.

You might experience

Coercive control is when someone tries to control your life over time.

They might do this by:

  • making choices for you, like what you will eat and wear
  • keeping you away from family and friends
  • making you feel bad about yourself
  • threatening you.

You can find out more on our page about coercive control.

You might experience

Sexual violence or abuse is when someone:

  • makes you do sexual things you do not want to do
  • does something sexual to you that you do not want them to do.

You can find out more on our page about sexual violence and abuse.

You might experience someone trying to scare or control you using:

  • your phone
  • your computer
  • the internet.

You can find out more on our page about violence or abuse through technology.

You might experience

Stalking is when someone follows or watches you over a period of time.

You can find out more on our page about stalking.

You might experience violence or abuse because of your religion or

Your culture is:

  • your way of life
  • how you think or act now because of how you grew up
  • your beliefs
  • what is important to you.

You can find out more on our page about violence or abuse because of your religion or culture.

You might experience someone trying to control your daily life.

Example story

We wrote a story to show an example of what violence and abuse can be like in a relationship.

The story we wrote is about a person called Hallie.

The story and the people in it are not real.

We made them up to explain what violence and abuse can be like in a relationship.

Hallie’s story

Hallie just started going out with her boyfriend Ric.

Ric has an ex‑girlfriend who said that Ric treated her badly.

Hallie tries to ask Ric questions about his ex‑girlfriend.

But Ric always:

  • says mean things about his ex‑girlfriend
  • calls her names.

Hallie knows this is an example of coercive control.

She thinks that he could be dangerous.

Hallie decides to stop going out with Ric.